Baby mumma - Metopic Craniosynostosis

Mum worries about my head...
I am worried about her being crazy embarrassing

Boston is one little man who goes against the odds. He was conceived from luvin 5 days before I should have been fertile, along with only 5% of other babies he was born on his due date and like only 1 in about 15,000 he has Metopic Craniosynostosis (still trying to pronounce that one).

What does that mean exactly...in simple terms at some point during his time in my belly the two bones that form Boston's forehead fused together. This would not happen to most children until they reach around six years old. For Mr B it means a ridge runs vertically on his forehead, his eyes a slightly closer together, his right eye has trouble opening and his head is taller but smaller in circumference. That is the outside, on the inside his brain has a little less room then most babies his age and his bones are slightly different in shape.

What we know for sure is that Boston will have surgery to split the fused bone sometime before he is 12 months old. It is a procedure that happens quite a lot with great results and the experts tell us that after surgery it will be hard to pick that there was anything out of the norm with Bozzies skull. What we do not yet know is whether there will be other affects caused by the syndrome, either physical or with cognitive function, but time will tell as it always does.

Becoming a parent adds a dimension to life, suddenly you are responsible for an entire human being, undeniably with that responsibility comes new worries and concerns. Comprehending what exactly Metopic Craniosynostosis means to me has been difficult.

From day one the medical professionals have been very positive and optimistic. We keep a close eye on his development, making sure he reaches milestones like smiling, grasping, cooeing etc (and with some he is ahead of time *proud*). We make sure he see's the local health care nurses to check weight and growth every two weeks, every six weeks we visit our wonderful paediatrician at Tweed who keeps us up to date with results and more specific health issues, then it is a waiting game to see when exactly the team at The Mater Children's Hospital will schedule surgery (but so far they plan between 8 and 10 months). In general the attitudes are really relaxed and so in general I feel completely fine about Boston's little forehead journey.

But he is still my baby boy and I still worry. I worry about the unknown. Will the surgery go as planned? Will it have long lasting affects we do not yet know? Will he struggle to learn new things or grasp new concepts? Will he be bullied about looking unique? Will this little part of him define who he is in any sort of random negative way? The essence of any question is will his wellbeing be affected?

When I begin to worry too much I play a little game in my head. I remind myself that no matter how much we love our children their future is always unknown. I remind myself that any child will have to face many challenges, we can never know what they will be. I convince myself that no matter the challenge Boston has to face his dad and I will give him the tools to work his way through, and when we don't have answers we will still be unshakable support.

I do not know why Boston was given this challenge but I know it is teaching me acceptance, maybe that is a lot of what being a parent is about, accepting we can not control our children's journey, we can only guide and support them with all our best intentions.

Where is my little bit of magic?

When I was 19 an older friend looked at me with frustration and called me naive. It made me so mad. Just because I believed there was good in everyone and saw beauty in the world, THAT made me naive?!

In a week I turn 28, now I sort of know where she was coming from. Since I was 19 I have had my heart broken several times, lost friends, realised dream jobs were not so dreamy, been conned, been used, realised the world is broken, realised humans are generally to blame, have accepted some problems are literally too big, watched my friends battle for their relationships and as a whole realised happily ever after involves a hell of a lot of bumpy roads. In truth my 20's have been a hard slap in the face, not overly traumatic by any means, but still enough to crush my "naivety". 

The problem is that too often I hear myself sapping the magic out of life. I do not believe in the fairy tale any more and so I whinge and whine about the "realities" of life. You know...now that I am so wise and realise the truth. I can not help but wonder though that if I am so wise why do I ache for the magic of being 19? I am not talking about the late nights, cocktails and wrinkle free skin. I am talking about the hope and belief that anything is possible, seeing goodness in the world, having dreams and really thinking they will come true.

A bit of magic?

Now I have a little person in my life who will laugh and coo with so much joy at what I can only figure out to be a ray of light on the wall. I love Boston so much it aches right down in my belly and it makes me really want to find that magic in life, because quite frankly I want to share it with him.

So this little rambling post on a public holiday night is me making a promise to wake up each day and look for my magic. It has been lost a while but I know it is here somewhere, I get glimpses of it and I think it is about time I stopped whinging about life and start celebrating it.

I hope you all do the same xox

Baby mumma - Hypnobirthing

My super cute hypno baby

Get out your swinging time pieces and spinning spirals my friends it is hypno time!!! I am joking of course, but lets face it when you hear the word hypnosis the image of people clucking like chickens pops to mind. Luckily thanks to my good friend Gareth Vaughan (aka hypnotherapist extraordinaire) I have had a different perception of hypnosis for quite sometime, so when hypnobirthing was recommended to me I was intrigued.

What the buggery is hypnosis from a therapy stand point?? Well I am no expert (and I am a poor liar so I won't pretend to be an expert) but this is the idea from my own perspective. Hypnotherapy teaches you about your brain/mind and how it functions. It explains how our realities are formed through experiences and how our brain filters those experiences. It makes you aware of preconceived beliefs that are affecting the way you experience life. It gives you tools to alter these beliefs, shifting the way you perceive and experience situations.

The actual state of hypnosis is when you are relaxed and downloading information. It is a state where you are susceptible to suggestion. Suggestion that you will cluck like a chicken, or that you can achieve a challenging task, or that you have no reliance on cigarettes, or that child birth is a natural process that your body was perfectly designed for. We get into hypnotic states everyday. When you are drifting off to sleep, engrossed in a television program, driving a familiar route or meditating (in whatever way you choose). For something that sounds quite out there hypnosis is really just part of life.

Okay great... so what does all this mind shifting have to do with birth? Well lets be honest ladies who looks forward to their first birth and thinks "hell yeah that is going to be awesome, bring it on!"? Personally I grew up with the distinct notion that birth would be extremely painful and traumatic. I recall using it as ammo when in arguments with the male of our species, "well women give birth so what are YOU complaining about?" There is a WHOLE BUNCH of fear surrounding birth, and well yah it is a massive task for your body to go through and things can go wrong, but is all the fear helping?

Animals (and humans are animals if anyone has forgotten) have several survival mechanisms and many mothers to be when faced with a threat will stall labor. Think in cave man terms, to survive we use fight or flight and when we are scared our bodies do a whole heap of really cool things that facilitate these two options. One result being blood and oxygen floods to our limbs, we are able to flee with lightening speed or pull amazing ninja moves, but give birth....ahhhh not so much. If you are in fight of flight mode your body puts the birthing experience on the back burner. Really what is the point in pumping blood around the all important baby pushing muscle (the uterus) if you are about to be eaten by a raptor??

The hypnobirthing philosophy follows this idea and aims to create an informed birthing experience where the mother feels safe and relaxed. This environment allows our body the best chance to function as nature intended and have a birth with little complication. Hypnobirthing uses breathing techniques, relaxations, visualisations and positive affirmations to keep your body and mind chilled out. It also gives the mumma's birth companion a stack of great tools to help support, relax and encourage.

My partner in crime and I completed a course with the lovely Anthea Thomas of Hypnobirthing Gold Coast. As a young family we tossed up whether we could afford the course but looking back are so grateful we included it in our preparation. It was more then just hypnosis, it was an antenatal class with a twist...and a positive one at that. I felt 100% more confident that I could achieve the natural birth we wanted after finishing the course. As a bonus (possibly even the most important outcome) I also had a partner who had been given real down to earth tools that would help me through labor and actually include him in Boston's birth.

The understanding that birth is significantly affected by fear and the affect it has on us physiologically was a big UH HUH moment for me, but it is only a small part of what a hypnobirthing course will give you. If you would like to know more check out Hypnobirthing Gold Coast website or facebook page.

p.s I want to be clear that I do not believe that any one thing, or even a combination of things, will guarantee an easy or complication free birth. It is a huge challenge physically and mentally. Things can and do go wrong without cause or blame. Talking to women of a traditional village in the pacific (no running water, no electricity and in wet season no access to a doctor) the challenge is as clear as ever. Their number one health concern, how do we help mothers and babies in birth? So....I believe every helpful tool you can pack in your belt, go for it! Most importantly do what works for YOU.

Baby mumma - Love, failure, guilt and comradery

I want to write about this in a way that is honest plus gives enough importance and respect to what I am trying to convey. All I can really do is write what I experience and hopefully that in itself will be enough.

I am a new mum, a total rookie thrown into the most important role of my life,  I have only known my son for two months...yet he is my world and I ache at even the thought of not having him. I am not completely sure what creates this intense bond, whether it is the mixture of love hormones released through pregnancy and birth, a divine connection or the comfort that I have a purpose in life that cannot be denied. Whatever creates it, there it is, I am totally indescribably in love with Boston.

This love is not completely different to others I have experience but it does have an extra weighting, the acknowledgement of complete responsibility. Like never before my mumma bear hair stands on end when even the whiff of danger is present. Yet with the feeling of all this love and all this responsibility there remains one fact, I am a total rookie thrown into the most important role of my life.

I distinctly remember visiting one of my good friends who had just had her first baby, as I walked in the door she said "it is just so hard." I nodded and smiled and tried to be caring and empathetic, but I did not know exactly what she meant...until now. Like many fabulous women in today's society it was not until Boston was born that I had spent an extended amount of time around a newborn. Certainly it is the first time I have been expected to look after a bub longer then a warm cuddle which ended when crying began and I handed the little cherub back to their mum.

People say that motherhood will come naturally, for some that may be, for me yah sure different parts very much did, but others seemed more elusive. I have the love thing down pat but I still can not point out the difference between a hungry, sleepy or bored cry (Bozzie generally sounds like a fire alarm even if he just wants to sit up instead of lie down). Breast feeding...now we love it but for the first two weeks...bonding experience my butt! Bad latching + awesome sucking = cracked nipples + searing pain. Is that grimace Boston with wind, tired or discovering new faces? Plus what is the deal with really really sleepy babies just refusing to sleep?!

Please do not get me wrong, I was under no impression that parenthood was a walk in the park, or that there would not be numerous challenges. What I could not comprehend was that my lack of experience to care for this person I love so much would lead to feeling like a failure...Trying many approaches and reading a million passionate view points that completely contradict each other left me completely confused, totally unconfident and quietly guilty. It seemed that no matter what I tried I would be emotionally scarring or setting bad habits or creating insecurity.

There has been countless days that were speckled with his tears and mine, both of us enveloped in a new world, it is confusing and frustrating and tiring. However...now I know what my friend meant when she said "it is so hard", now I have an understanding when I see another mum, I could go so far to say there is a secret look that we share between us (not unlike a college frat club). I am lucky enough to have a handful of new mums close to me and the good news is... I am not the only clueless rookie. We all have moments where it seems we were not born to be mothers, times when we are completely uncertain about what to do next, feelings of guilt, feelings of failure. Yet sharing all of this begins to lighten the load.

Nine weeks in and I know what I have experienced is the tip of the iceburg. The challenges will keep coming and they say not even 18 years will see the end to it. No matter what comes my way I know there will be another mum around who will wrap me in their arms and tell me they get it. I am learning that no one book/mentor/friendly neighbour is going to have the answers. No one else is me and no other baby is Boston. You take bits and pieces, go through trial and error, find the puzzle that fits (I think I have the first 5 pieces of the 1000 to come). There may always be those times when I feel all I am doing is wrong, that I am permanently damaging this amazing little person I love so much, and just when I want to crawl in a hole and forget about everything...Boston will smile...eyes gleaming...gums beaming...and suddenly all will be great again.

p.s A big huge massive thank you to the other mums who have shared their feelings with me, supported me with kind words and encouraged me to find my own groove.

p.p.s A special thank you to one mum in particular, my mum, without whom I would have been completely lost during this time.

Baby mumma - our bombdiggity tool kit

Yawn it is morning and Boston is now SEVEN WEEKS OLD! Golly gosh how time flys when you are breast feeding, changing nappies and falling in love. In my last post I gave you the epic that was Bozzies birth and now I want to share some secrets (ahh not really secrets) about the tool kit we had.

I can only assume that like others I had pretty limited knowledge about birth before it was actually my turn to do it. After getting over the initial surprise that we were going to be parents and my body had another being inside of it, (a. the surprise will be explored in another blog b. still not really grasping that we are parents) I set about gathering information about pregnancy and birth.

I am not one for reading a TONN of information but what I came across started to form the knowledge base I eventually drew upon. Things I found useful were;

1. The Business of Being Born (2008) - This is a documentary that focuses on the current American medical system and how the majority of birth's are managed. Even though our Australian system is different this doco gives insight into how one intervention may create a cascade affect. It also highlights options other then a hospital birth and looks back at the history of birth in western society. It is downloadable online or you can watch snippets through youtube.
2. Your Best Birth, Author Ricky Lake - This book was the product of Ricky's experience making "The Business of Being Born". I found it gave a reasonably non biased information on what you can expect no matter what path you choose.
3. The Good Birth Companion: A Practical Guide to Having the Best Labour and Birth, Author Nicole Croft - This was my favourite book. Once again it took a middle ground view point delivered in short chunks of very practical and helpful information. It also contains a section dedicated to the first few weeks after birth which is vital. You can buy this one on amazon or through ebay, alternately try your local library (my source of books).
4. www.babycenter.com.au - As far as websites goes I found this one to have very helpful information about an extensive range of topics. They also have a pregnancy app which gives you little tidbits of information each day as your pregnancy progresses (perfect for baby brain). They also put out a book that has great chunks of information called Pregnancy; From conception to birth.

Apart from these all our information came first hand from experts in the field. Who are these amazing people you may ask, well here is my super wicked support team list.

My Boston belly at 30 weeks

• Murwillumbah Midwives
• A Li Acupuncture - the wonderfully talented acupuncturist Aurelia Everaarts
• Pure Bliss Yoga - pregnancy yoga with the joyful Lina
• Hypnobirthing - full of great stories and positive affirmations with Anthea Thomas
• Joey - my very special friend and midwife who listened to me and answered so many questions with total honesty.
• Birth's I have been a part of - A huge thank you must be extended to Georgie and Claudi who invited me to be part of their birthing experience and in turn shared an invaluable gift. Without seeing their two wonderful boys come into the world I would not have had a real life gague for my birth. 

That is all for this blog. I am aware that it is a wee bit on the boring side but I really wanted to share these resources with the mumma's to be out there. Stay tuned next time for some more creative writing all about hypnobirthing (it is not like stage hypnosis, and no I will not cluck like a chicken when you count to three).

Baby mamma - Boston's Birth Story

Despite the trepidation (aka slightly poo scared emotions) Boston's birth is one that I feel blessed to have experienced and love to share. Steve and I had a clear picture in our heads about how we wanted the birth to go....which means we knew the people we wanted there, the ways to deal with pain and the groove* we wanted to create. Almost every parent will tell you the plan goes out the window on the day, so I was more then ready to throw my three page masterpiece in the bin. It turns out, to my surprise, our birth plan became Boston's birth. So here is the day from us to you (whoever you are), it is a bit of an epic but read as you wish.

A big yawn from Bozzie on the first morning of his amazing life

Approaching our due date I had been feeling the subtle tightening of pre labour contractions on and off, they would come for two hours then disappear. Each time I wondered if it would kick into the real deal.

Then on Sunday the 15^th of July not long after I climbed into bed I felt something a little more intense. I waited...it came again. I slowly slipped out of bed and made my way to the lounge. I am going to describe them as someone did to me, just like pimped up period pain. I could not sleep but I knew if this was labour I would have a whooper of a day ahead so it was keep it groovey mode I went to. I made a tea, put on our birth day playlist (mellow tunes that make me smile), dimmed the lights, lit some candles and gathered some cushions. Sounds romantic doesn't it?

Time to put hypnobirthing techniques into action, a couple of rainbow relaxations and breathing exercises, resulting in me dozing off on occasion but the contractions kept coming. I woke Steve at midnight to let him know showtime was here, but reassured him the most helpful thing he could do would be to go back to sleep and save his energy for the coming day. Most dad's would have jumped up to attention or become so excited they couldn't sleep, Steve just grunted and rolled back over, bless his chilled soul.

My awesome fantastic bestie/acupuncturist Aurelia was on call as birth companion number two. Calculating the Brisbane traffic and my contractions we decided calling her at 3am would be the best plan. By 5am she was at our door step needles and a smile from ear to ear in toe. My first acupuncture treatment followed shortly after which increased the intensity of my contractions causing me to put the foot down, it was time to head to the clinic.

We choose to birth at the fantastic Murwillumbah Midwife Clinic where we made our selves at home with cheese and crackers, Gatorade, drawing the curtains, setting up our music and relaxing into the space (getting our groove on pretty much). Our midwife was there to greet us and check on progress, already 5cm dilated! Holy cow now we are in the room our baby will be born in = EXCITEMENT! Everything was going so well, I was able to breath through my contractions and bring myself back into relaxation with each exhalation. The hypno techniques kept me super duper focused and really did allow me to relax as much as possible.

Steve and Aurelia were doing amazing as my companions, I felt like a queen with two ever dutiful servants. Each contraction was accompanied by light touch massage, encouragement and positive affirmations. I had read about the up side of an active birth, benefits or not there was no way I wanted to lie on my back, I would have had to be tied down. We moved from kneeling to the shower, to walking, squatting, the bath and the birth ball. I even managed to fall asleep between contractions, waking with a start as I began to tip into Steve or Auie. For a reason not known to my self I was dreaming of feeding pigeons (what sort of omen is that???).

The pressure of our baby moving down came, yes it does feel like you are going to poo, and we moved to the birthing stool which looked like a purple space age seat. It was here that my waters broke or as I saw it... exploded. I must admit that although the contractions had become stronger (think period pain added to cramping) and at times very challenging this was the point I felt the most intensity. I was leaning back on Steve, tightly squeezing his hands and I felt him beginning to squirm. I knew his legs were cramping but there was no way he was going to move, I was in the perfect spot and I told him to suck it up.

Our little super star son, Boston Richard Gow, was born 4:40pm on 16^th June, 6lb11 and 51cm. I know we were lucky to have the experience we did. Don't get me wrong it was probably (aka without a doubt) the most challenging physical thing I have done. At one point Aurelia kept saying "you're nearly there Nell" and I kept thinking nearly there seems an awful way away, where the hell is the light at the end of this tunnel?? But you're head does this weird time warp, zone inwards, mask it with wicked love hormones thing that is really amazing.

Proud parents heading home

Maybe it sounds extreme to go natural and have no drugs but in all honesty I didn't feel like I needed them. Was it the preparation, the hypnobirthing, the acupuncture or just the amazing support I had from two wonderful people in my life and our fantastic midwife??? Who knows...but I do believe it was a combination of everything plus a little bit of luck.

Here ends the epic story of Boston's birth. There is so much more I could write about, like Steve falling asleep or the shock when our prophesied girl turned out to be a boy, but you could be here all day reading. In the coming blogs I will go into more detail about the wicked tools we used complete with contact details if you are interested. If you have any questions shoot me a comment or a message and I will answer them asap.

Until next time it's boobies, poop and smiles...

*think music, lighting, attitude, energy, vibes, awesomeness factor etc etc.

Embracing the baby mamma journey - birth

Well the time has come that I jumped on the parenting blog band wagon. Why? Because I love to write, particularly about my own life experiences and insights, and the centre of my world for about the last ooo 10 months has been one amazing little creature now officially named Boston.

I am not saying nella bella inspired will be exclusively a mummy blog but I feel it is important to share our experiences that may in some small way help others along their own journey. So for now I foresee little bits and pieces we have learnt through pregnancy, birth and those first few weeks finding their way to this page. To start with some thoughts I wrote not long before the long anticipated EDD (aka estimated due date).

"oh wise tree tell me what lies ahead"

~ It is safe to say a lot of mum's to be will experience the most wonderful phenomenon that pregnancy creates. Turning you into a giant worm hole at the centre of the universe. Sucking up peoples interest, love and well wishes. It truly gives you a massive boost in self importance, leading to slightly unrealistic idea's about exactly how awesome you and your morphing body are. 

This phenomenon coupled with my good pregnancy has equalled one blessed time. But alas the end is near, I will attest not too soon, as my body is getting just a little crammed for space. With our EDD approaching faster then a speeding train I must be honest and admit I have moments of pure anxiety at the thought of giving birth. We have prepared mentally, physically and emotionally with research, yoga, hypnobirthing, acupuncture and building a dream team of support. It still remains that this life changing event brings so much uncertainty and is shrouded in scary sentiment like "the worst pain you will ever feel". You hear so many "horror" stories about 20 hour labours and emergency cesareans, I have to wonder despite the preparation will this day become my worst nightmare.

So it is with trepidation that I walk half boldly toward this day. The comforting factor being that it will be at the most two days, which lets face it is soooooo minuscule in the scheme of life, and that so many wonderful women have gone before me into this journey emerging filled with love and triumph. I wonder if everyone feels this amazing mix of emotion??? I also wonder how I will feel when I too have come through the other end...~

blessed with all of YOU

There has been a little longer gap then I would have liked between my musings, but one must be inspired after all. When I was losing hope a beautiful thing happened...my baby shower.

To be honest the morning was a bit of an overwhelming blur for me. Like a beautiful, delicious, love filled, smiled filled, emotion filled, fantastic blur. Lace and gloves coupled with dainty tea cups sipped by smiling faces of people I adore. 

So what exactly inspired me? Well all of YOU.

We now have a beautiful memento to carry with us and I have to thank you all. Joey's suggestion to express the meaning of each bead and the blessings you had for our soon to arrive baby out loud for all to hear even made me nervous. Not often do we share a part of ourselves and express our love so openly. But I can honestly say that this will stay with me, not only through pregnancy and birth, but through my life, as a truly special moment in time.

It reminded me how extraordinarily blessed I am to have met such wonderful people and formed such beautiful connections. I feel so much support around our growing little family. From those we have known our whole lives to newer friendships still blossoming. I have always loved the idea of creating a network of support through inspiring, enthusiastic people, a real community for life. 

We have that now, and I can not be happier to be bringing a baby into this fantastically fun, zany, supportive, open and super love filled mega extended family. So thank you, for letting your guard down and sharing yourself, it meant the whole wide world to me....and no doubt to baby Gowie who got mega loving vibes travelling through the belly.

p.s to any one else who would like to contribute a bead or a message please feel free, there is no cap on good vibes

 

The Remover of Obstacles

A few months ago I was lucky enough to take a trip to the Crystal Castle with my mum and aunty. For those of you who haven't been it is a bit like a magical spiritual garden, located in the oh so magically spiritual Byron Bay hinterland. There is a beautiful gardens, giant buddhas, wandering monks and a deliciously delightful cafe.

Back to the point of this blog though. The last ooooo lets say 12 months have been challenging in places to say the least. It seems like everyone around me felt the brunt of 2011, I therefore assume a few of you can identify with what I am babbling on about. So when I was wandering around the little shops of the Crystal Castle staring at the many spiritual idols who stared right back at me, I began to be drawn to a inquisitive little fellow called Ganesh.

I will happily admit that I recognised the Elephant headed Hindu god as The Remover of Obstacles  not in small part to my, some may say sad, adoration of the 'Eat, Pray, Love' book and equivalent movie (please do not judge me). This particular statue had kind eyes and his head tilted just so as if to invite curiosity. So I decided to take Ganesh home for a little bit of help with the brick walls that I just kept running into, figuratively speaking and not like the one the broke my arm when I was five.

I smiled when the shop lady told me Ganesh was fantastic for children as she grinned at my pregnant belly, my intuition must have steered me right when I pick this little god. I placed Ganesh next to my bed and looked to him before I rested my head at night, yes life was going to run smoothly from now on.

Problem is the brick walls kept coming. Now I am not talking about fort knox sort of walls, less like brick in fact and more like ply wood. Little situations that needed attention here, there and everywhere. I would try to get organise and then a phone call or message would spiral life into uncertainty again. Planning would take place and then be broken down, happen again, then be broken down again, again, again. I would look to Ganesh, his inquisitive gaze and take a deep breath, reminding myself that these obstacles would be removed, and it was a some what comforting thought.

There came a time though when all these little ply walls were beginning to wear me down and I went in search of answers from the all powerful wiki (yes, I am aware this isn't a completely reliable reference source).


He is popularly worshipped as a remover of obstacles, though traditionally he also places obstacles in the path of those who need to be checked. Paul Courtright says that  "his task in the divine scheme of things, his dharma, is to place and remove obstacles. It is his particular territory, the reason for his creation."

Hmmmm I thought to myself. I had to laugh. This tricky little God, what is he trying to prove to me?

Life is not a smooth ride, those who tell you otherwise I fear may be deluding themselves. These walls I keep running into they are challenging, especially when I know the outcome I seek and recognise walls need to be broken to reach it. You know what though, I am breaking through. Life can take effort, a bit of elbow grease here and there. Ganesh highlighted my obstacles, YES, but he also highlighted my triumphs.

The lesson to be learnt is do not be scared when life does not deal you a perfect hand. You are the creator, do not be scared off by a few ply walls, or brick walls, or iron walls! The obstacles will be removed if you have the courage to move them.

Go to the wilderness and find some P'u

It is a term I have borrowed from Susan Cain (more about her soon) but it has been at the centre of my own thoughts for a few weeks now. Go to the wilderness.

This semester my educational enlightenment is via the course Introduction to Environmental Management. Although this encompasses many fantastic tidbits of information (eg. if you stand on the equator the rotation of the earth means your moving at 16,000km per hour!!) we have been focusing quite a lot on environmental values. Maybe it is obvious that we are no longer living interwoven with nature and are therefore greatly unaware of our total dependency on natural resources. But what beliefs and values are driving us to destroy so much? Where do you sit in the scheme of things? Are you Anthropocentic seeing humans as the most important and valuable species? Are you Biocentric, believing nature and other organisms have just as much intrinsic value as humans? Do you believe technology will be able to rescue us from our environmental problems, are you a techno-optimist? Or maybe your more of a greenie and believe without major changes in lifestyle its a downward spiral to an apocalypse?

I consider myself as a Biocentric Techno-optimist Greenie. But hey its just a label and its all pretty complicated underneath. The element I believe our society is missing when it comes to connecting with nature is an understanding of value.

Two weeks ago I sat on a headland in Yuraygir National Park NSW and took a breath of natural wonder. Many of my good friends will attest to how insanely beautiful and rugged this place is. Deep red soil, cliffs of intricate rock formations, crashing salty waves, open shrub lands with limbs reaching away from the coastal winds. Its a place that grounds me, like many other natural places I have had the privilege to experience. Soon I will be a mum and as I sat there my soul warmed at the thought of sharing this place with my child. A place thats value can not be solely measured by science and economics, instead it has a "spiritual" value that is so hard to explain with the language we use.

My beautiful yoga teacher Georgie recently shared a great TED talk with the facebook community called The Power of Introverts. Susan Cain tells an amusing story of life as an introvert, and points out  in our society of big personalities half the population is being suppressed. She also challenges everyone to GO TO THE WILDERNESS. Be a sage, a seeker, a contemplator. Like we have done for many thousands of years go into the wild and take some solitude with nature. It is here that many great thinkers have been enlightened.

So in the way that I like to do I have taken all these bits of my life and linked them back to a greater meaning. In Taoism there is a manner of being called the Uncarved Block know also as P'u (pronounced Pooh with emphasis on the oo). The chinese character P'u is defined as natural, simple, plain, honest. To understand this more and be tickled pink with a fantastic read please please please pick up a copy of Benjamin Hoff's The Tao of Pooh. In the mean time I will steal Benjamin's words " The essence of the principle of the Uncarved Block is that things in their original simplicity hold their own natural power."

My revelation is that in our extremely complicated world of human creation and human problems maybe the simplicity of nature holds a power to clear our minds and enlighten our thinking. I love the added punch of meaning this adds to days walking in the bush, or surfing in the ocean, or sitting in a tree.  It is this value of nature that I so want to pass on to my children, so they know, when everything seems too much and the world seems to be caving in around them, they can go to the wilderness and find some P'u. 

Do something fun

My beautiful man keeps asking me what I am planning on the weekend, keeps insisting I should do something fun. I look at him with a puzzled look. Why does he keep saying this? I am perfectly happy relaxing and catching up with friends, doing things around home. Then I am lying to bed trying to drift off to sleep, I am asking myself "What have I been doing lately? Am I having fun?"

After really thinking about this, for you know ten minutes, I begin to realise I have fallen into the comfortable area of life. You know what I mean, when you are more then happy doing what you are doing, getting in a routine, visiting your regulars, going through the motions. Its comfortable and perfectly sustainable, but am I loving this? Am I inspired?

Parts of life definitely are, moments of pure joy, of gratitude, I have a baby in my belly so its hard to not be tickled pink. Yes that is right I am pregnant, another beautiful twist in my tale of life.

But when was the last time I tried something new? Explored unchartered territory? Brought the girls together for an adventure? Created something with purpose that inspired me? Besides this beauty in my belly where is my passion going?

I began to contemplate home business, cheeky comfy and why I am no longer pursuing it, what I would change to make me care more, what I want to share with the world. Then my mind was flooded with simple ideas that may tick the boxes I need to tick. Simple, functional designs. Eco fabrics. Inspired messages.

Then I could not dull my mind and fall asleep so I am sitting here typing away with a little vigour, a little inspiration. Maybe tomorrow I will try some fun things. I will get excited about life.