Baby mumma - Hypnobirthing

My super cute hypno baby

Get out your swinging time pieces and spinning spirals my friends it is hypno time!!! I am joking of course, but lets face it when you hear the word hypnosis the image of people clucking like chickens pops to mind. Luckily thanks to my good friend Gareth Vaughan (aka hypnotherapist extraordinaire) I have had a different perception of hypnosis for quite sometime, so when hypnobirthing was recommended to me I was intrigued.

What the buggery is hypnosis from a therapy stand point?? Well I am no expert (and I am a poor liar so I won't pretend to be an expert) but this is the idea from my own perspective. Hypnotherapy teaches you about your brain/mind and how it functions. It explains how our realities are formed through experiences and how our brain filters those experiences. It makes you aware of preconceived beliefs that are affecting the way you experience life. It gives you tools to alter these beliefs, shifting the way you perceive and experience situations.

The actual state of hypnosis is when you are relaxed and downloading information. It is a state where you are susceptible to suggestion. Suggestion that you will cluck like a chicken, or that you can achieve a challenging task, or that you have no reliance on cigarettes, or that child birth is a natural process that your body was perfectly designed for. We get into hypnotic states everyday. When you are drifting off to sleep, engrossed in a television program, driving a familiar route or meditating (in whatever way you choose). For something that sounds quite out there hypnosis is really just part of life.

Okay great... so what does all this mind shifting have to do with birth? Well lets be honest ladies who looks forward to their first birth and thinks "hell yeah that is going to be awesome, bring it on!"? Personally I grew up with the distinct notion that birth would be extremely painful and traumatic. I recall using it as ammo when in arguments with the male of our species, "well women give birth so what are YOU complaining about?" There is a WHOLE BUNCH of fear surrounding birth, and well yah it is a massive task for your body to go through and things can go wrong, but is all the fear helping?

Animals (and humans are animals if anyone has forgotten) have several survival mechanisms and many mothers to be when faced with a threat will stall labor. Think in cave man terms, to survive we use fight or flight and when we are scared our bodies do a whole heap of really cool things that facilitate these two options. One result being blood and oxygen floods to our limbs, we are able to flee with lightening speed or pull amazing ninja moves, but give birth....ahhhh not so much. If you are in fight of flight mode your body puts the birthing experience on the back burner. Really what is the point in pumping blood around the all important baby pushing muscle (the uterus) if you are about to be eaten by a raptor??

The hypnobirthing philosophy follows this idea and aims to create an informed birthing experience where the mother feels safe and relaxed. This environment allows our body the best chance to function as nature intended and have a birth with little complication. Hypnobirthing uses breathing techniques, relaxations, visualisations and positive affirmations to keep your body and mind chilled out. It also gives the mumma's birth companion a stack of great tools to help support, relax and encourage.

My partner in crime and I completed a course with the lovely Anthea Thomas of Hypnobirthing Gold Coast. As a young family we tossed up whether we could afford the course but looking back are so grateful we included it in our preparation. It was more then just hypnosis, it was an antenatal class with a twist...and a positive one at that. I felt 100% more confident that I could achieve the natural birth we wanted after finishing the course. As a bonus (possibly even the most important outcome) I also had a partner who had been given real down to earth tools that would help me through labor and actually include him in Boston's birth.

The understanding that birth is significantly affected by fear and the affect it has on us physiologically was a big UH HUH moment for me, but it is only a small part of what a hypnobirthing course will give you. If you would like to know more check out Hypnobirthing Gold Coast website or facebook page.

p.s I want to be clear that I do not believe that any one thing, or even a combination of things, will guarantee an easy or complication free birth. It is a huge challenge physically and mentally. Things can and do go wrong without cause or blame. Talking to women of a traditional village in the pacific (no running water, no electricity and in wet season no access to a doctor) the challenge is as clear as ever. Their number one health concern, how do we help mothers and babies in birth? So....I believe every helpful tool you can pack in your belt, go for it! Most importantly do what works for YOU.

Baby mumma - Love, failure, guilt and comradery

I want to write about this in a way that is honest plus gives enough importance and respect to what I am trying to convey. All I can really do is write what I experience and hopefully that in itself will be enough.

I am a new mum, a total rookie thrown into the most important role of my life,  I have only known my son for two months...yet he is my world and I ache at even the thought of not having him. I am not completely sure what creates this intense bond, whether it is the mixture of love hormones released through pregnancy and birth, a divine connection or the comfort that I have a purpose in life that cannot be denied. Whatever creates it, there it is, I am totally indescribably in love with Boston.

This love is not completely different to others I have experience but it does have an extra weighting, the acknowledgement of complete responsibility. Like never before my mumma bear hair stands on end when even the whiff of danger is present. Yet with the feeling of all this love and all this responsibility there remains one fact, I am a total rookie thrown into the most important role of my life.

I distinctly remember visiting one of my good friends who had just had her first baby, as I walked in the door she said "it is just so hard." I nodded and smiled and tried to be caring and empathetic, but I did not know exactly what she meant...until now. Like many fabulous women in today's society it was not until Boston was born that I had spent an extended amount of time around a newborn. Certainly it is the first time I have been expected to look after a bub longer then a warm cuddle which ended when crying began and I handed the little cherub back to their mum.

People say that motherhood will come naturally, for some that may be, for me yah sure different parts very much did, but others seemed more elusive. I have the love thing down pat but I still can not point out the difference between a hungry, sleepy or bored cry (Bozzie generally sounds like a fire alarm even if he just wants to sit up instead of lie down). Breast feeding...now we love it but for the first two weeks...bonding experience my butt! Bad latching + awesome sucking = cracked nipples + searing pain. Is that grimace Boston with wind, tired or discovering new faces? Plus what is the deal with really really sleepy babies just refusing to sleep?!

Please do not get me wrong, I was under no impression that parenthood was a walk in the park, or that there would not be numerous challenges. What I could not comprehend was that my lack of experience to care for this person I love so much would lead to feeling like a failure...Trying many approaches and reading a million passionate view points that completely contradict each other left me completely confused, totally unconfident and quietly guilty. It seemed that no matter what I tried I would be emotionally scarring or setting bad habits or creating insecurity.

There has been countless days that were speckled with his tears and mine, both of us enveloped in a new world, it is confusing and frustrating and tiring. However...now I know what my friend meant when she said "it is so hard", now I have an understanding when I see another mum, I could go so far to say there is a secret look that we share between us (not unlike a college frat club). I am lucky enough to have a handful of new mums close to me and the good news is... I am not the only clueless rookie. We all have moments where it seems we were not born to be mothers, times when we are completely uncertain about what to do next, feelings of guilt, feelings of failure. Yet sharing all of this begins to lighten the load.

Nine weeks in and I know what I have experienced is the tip of the iceburg. The challenges will keep coming and they say not even 18 years will see the end to it. No matter what comes my way I know there will be another mum around who will wrap me in their arms and tell me they get it. I am learning that no one book/mentor/friendly neighbour is going to have the answers. No one else is me and no other baby is Boston. You take bits and pieces, go through trial and error, find the puzzle that fits (I think I have the first 5 pieces of the 1000 to come). There may always be those times when I feel all I am doing is wrong, that I am permanently damaging this amazing little person I love so much, and just when I want to crawl in a hole and forget about everything...Boston will smile...eyes gleaming...gums beaming...and suddenly all will be great again.

p.s A big huge massive thank you to the other mums who have shared their feelings with me, supported me with kind words and encouraged me to find my own groove.

p.p.s A special thank you to one mum in particular, my mum, without whom I would have been completely lost during this time.

Baby mumma - our bombdiggity tool kit

Yawn it is morning and Boston is now SEVEN WEEKS OLD! Golly gosh how time flys when you are breast feeding, changing nappies and falling in love. In my last post I gave you the epic that was Bozzies birth and now I want to share some secrets (ahh not really secrets) about the tool kit we had.

I can only assume that like others I had pretty limited knowledge about birth before it was actually my turn to do it. After getting over the initial surprise that we were going to be parents and my body had another being inside of it, (a. the surprise will be explored in another blog b. still not really grasping that we are parents) I set about gathering information about pregnancy and birth.

I am not one for reading a TONN of information but what I came across started to form the knowledge base I eventually drew upon. Things I found useful were;

1. The Business of Being Born (2008) - This is a documentary that focuses on the current American medical system and how the majority of birth's are managed. Even though our Australian system is different this doco gives insight into how one intervention may create a cascade affect. It also highlights options other then a hospital birth and looks back at the history of birth in western society. It is downloadable online or you can watch snippets through youtube.
2. Your Best Birth, Author Ricky Lake - This book was the product of Ricky's experience making "The Business of Being Born". I found it gave a reasonably non biased information on what you can expect no matter what path you choose.
3. The Good Birth Companion: A Practical Guide to Having the Best Labour and Birth, Author Nicole Croft - This was my favourite book. Once again it took a middle ground view point delivered in short chunks of very practical and helpful information. It also contains a section dedicated to the first few weeks after birth which is vital. You can buy this one on amazon or through ebay, alternately try your local library (my source of books).
4. www.babycenter.com.au - As far as websites goes I found this one to have very helpful information about an extensive range of topics. They also have a pregnancy app which gives you little tidbits of information each day as your pregnancy progresses (perfect for baby brain). They also put out a book that has great chunks of information called Pregnancy; From conception to birth.

Apart from these all our information came first hand from experts in the field. Who are these amazing people you may ask, well here is my super wicked support team list.

My Boston belly at 30 weeks

• Murwillumbah Midwives
• A Li Acupuncture - the wonderfully talented acupuncturist Aurelia Everaarts
• Pure Bliss Yoga - pregnancy yoga with the joyful Lina
• Hypnobirthing - full of great stories and positive affirmations with Anthea Thomas
• Joey - my very special friend and midwife who listened to me and answered so many questions with total honesty.
• Birth's I have been a part of - A huge thank you must be extended to Georgie and Claudi who invited me to be part of their birthing experience and in turn shared an invaluable gift. Without seeing their two wonderful boys come into the world I would not have had a real life gague for my birth. 

That is all for this blog. I am aware that it is a wee bit on the boring side but I really wanted to share these resources with the mumma's to be out there. Stay tuned next time for some more creative writing all about hypnobirthing (it is not like stage hypnosis, and no I will not cluck like a chicken when you count to three).

Baby mamma - Boston's Birth Story

Despite the trepidation (aka slightly poo scared emotions) Boston's birth is one that I feel blessed to have experienced and love to share. Steve and I had a clear picture in our heads about how we wanted the birth to go....which means we knew the people we wanted there, the ways to deal with pain and the groove* we wanted to create. Almost every parent will tell you the plan goes out the window on the day, so I was more then ready to throw my three page masterpiece in the bin. It turns out, to my surprise, our birth plan became Boston's birth. So here is the day from us to you (whoever you are), it is a bit of an epic but read as you wish.

A big yawn from Bozzie on the first morning of his amazing life

Approaching our due date I had been feeling the subtle tightening of pre labour contractions on and off, they would come for two hours then disappear. Each time I wondered if it would kick into the real deal.

Then on Sunday the 15^th of July not long after I climbed into bed I felt something a little more intense. I waited...it came again. I slowly slipped out of bed and made my way to the lounge. I am going to describe them as someone did to me, just like pimped up period pain. I could not sleep but I knew if this was labour I would have a whooper of a day ahead so it was keep it groovey mode I went to. I made a tea, put on our birth day playlist (mellow tunes that make me smile), dimmed the lights, lit some candles and gathered some cushions. Sounds romantic doesn't it?

Time to put hypnobirthing techniques into action, a couple of rainbow relaxations and breathing exercises, resulting in me dozing off on occasion but the contractions kept coming. I woke Steve at midnight to let him know showtime was here, but reassured him the most helpful thing he could do would be to go back to sleep and save his energy for the coming day. Most dad's would have jumped up to attention or become so excited they couldn't sleep, Steve just grunted and rolled back over, bless his chilled soul.

My awesome fantastic bestie/acupuncturist Aurelia was on call as birth companion number two. Calculating the Brisbane traffic and my contractions we decided calling her at 3am would be the best plan. By 5am she was at our door step needles and a smile from ear to ear in toe. My first acupuncture treatment followed shortly after which increased the intensity of my contractions causing me to put the foot down, it was time to head to the clinic.

We choose to birth at the fantastic Murwillumbah Midwife Clinic where we made our selves at home with cheese and crackers, Gatorade, drawing the curtains, setting up our music and relaxing into the space (getting our groove on pretty much). Our midwife was there to greet us and check on progress, already 5cm dilated! Holy cow now we are in the room our baby will be born in = EXCITEMENT! Everything was going so well, I was able to breath through my contractions and bring myself back into relaxation with each exhalation. The hypno techniques kept me super duper focused and really did allow me to relax as much as possible.

Steve and Aurelia were doing amazing as my companions, I felt like a queen with two ever dutiful servants. Each contraction was accompanied by light touch massage, encouragement and positive affirmations. I had read about the up side of an active birth, benefits or not there was no way I wanted to lie on my back, I would have had to be tied down. We moved from kneeling to the shower, to walking, squatting, the bath and the birth ball. I even managed to fall asleep between contractions, waking with a start as I began to tip into Steve or Auie. For a reason not known to my self I was dreaming of feeding pigeons (what sort of omen is that???).

The pressure of our baby moving down came, yes it does feel like you are going to poo, and we moved to the birthing stool which looked like a purple space age seat. It was here that my waters broke or as I saw it... exploded. I must admit that although the contractions had become stronger (think period pain added to cramping) and at times very challenging this was the point I felt the most intensity. I was leaning back on Steve, tightly squeezing his hands and I felt him beginning to squirm. I knew his legs were cramping but there was no way he was going to move, I was in the perfect spot and I told him to suck it up.

Our little super star son, Boston Richard Gow, was born 4:40pm on 16^th June, 6lb11 and 51cm. I know we were lucky to have the experience we did. Don't get me wrong it was probably (aka without a doubt) the most challenging physical thing I have done. At one point Aurelia kept saying "you're nearly there Nell" and I kept thinking nearly there seems an awful way away, where the hell is the light at the end of this tunnel?? But you're head does this weird time warp, zone inwards, mask it with wicked love hormones thing that is really amazing.

Proud parents heading home

Maybe it sounds extreme to go natural and have no drugs but in all honesty I didn't feel like I needed them. Was it the preparation, the hypnobirthing, the acupuncture or just the amazing support I had from two wonderful people in my life and our fantastic midwife??? Who knows...but I do believe it was a combination of everything plus a little bit of luck.

Here ends the epic story of Boston's birth. There is so much more I could write about, like Steve falling asleep or the shock when our prophesied girl turned out to be a boy, but you could be here all day reading. In the coming blogs I will go into more detail about the wicked tools we used complete with contact details if you are interested. If you have any questions shoot me a comment or a message and I will answer them asap.

Until next time it's boobies, poop and smiles...

*think music, lighting, attitude, energy, vibes, awesomeness factor etc etc.